Laughing at myself

Just another little hindsight thing... The title of this blog? It's meant to be poking fun at myself. It's not arrogant. It's a gibe at myself. Just making sure.

Anyway, here's a poem that I wrote back when... let's just call them rough times. This time, it doesn't rhyme. Actually, it hardly has any rhythm at all. It just... is. Personally, I don't like then last half. I think it's too... too... Almost cliche. Just not exactly right. But I don't like the idea of changing this after so long, so I'll just leave it.

The world has turned upside-down.
Or maybe it's always been upside-down,
And it's now upright.
I just can't be any help.
Or maybe there was nothing I could do?
I'm angry...
And I'm saddened.

No one else so far has managed to
Confuse me so much;
Change my emotions so quickly,
For the good or the bad.
She can't keep her promises...
But I'm glad she can't.
Spontaneity is my saving grace;
Finality is my bane.

I look around
And I wonder why I'm here.
Why I'm doing this.
Why I haven't given up.
I must be afraid.
Afraid that if I give up...
All will be lost.
Arrogance is what keeps me here.
Fear is my excuse;
Chivalry is my alibi.

I'm lying to myself.
Or maybe everyone else is lying,
And I alone know the truth.
A flicker of hope with her smile...
But hope for an unknown outcome.
Hope for happiness;
Hope for understanding.
I do not know.
I cannot know.
My mind eludes me.
My sanity slowly slips away.
I cannot understand.
I cannot forget.
I cannot trust.
I cannot live.
I cannot die.

My only option
Appears to me.
I cannot focus
On the negative.
I cannot live
Only with the positive.
A balance of emotion.
A balance of pain, of rapture.
A balance of sorrow, of happiness.
I must continue.
I must move on.
I must stay on the path.
I must not give up.
I cannot give up.
I must understand.